Perspective Matters – It Is Because It Can Be But It Isn’t Always

09/28/2019 Tonya

I have been thinking about this for a long time as I’ve had several occasions to challenge my own perspective within the past couple of weeks. In fact, I’ve put this off as I’ve had to really focus on remembering this myself. The past week has been stressful for me. The bottom line is, perspective matters — it is because it can be but it isn’t always.

Perspective Matters — Is It or Can It Be

I have recently been able to spend extra time with friends. I’ve had the opportunity to spend entire days with a great friend, and as always, our day-long conversations did not disappoint. We seem to have a great balance. When he is down, I try to be up and vice versa. Though we don’t always agree on everything, we tend to disagreeably agree when we don’t agree for varying reasons. Regardless, our discussions are always thought-invoking, and I learn something each time we talk. If you have checked out my About Me page, you should know I consider myself a dichotomy for several reasons. One element of that is that I define myself as an optimistic pessimist. Sometimes, this friend and I discuss this, and I have asked him if he would define himself as pessimistic based on some of our conversations.

Having said that, it is important for me to purposefully remain aware of my own perspective. At one time, I probably would have labeled myself a pessimist. However, as I’ve matured (aged if you want to be a realist), I’ve come to agree with scholars that pessimism is a learned behavior. Thus, optimism is up to me. My perspective is up to me.

One piece of understanding that optimism is up to me comes from a question I asked myself many years ago: IS life hard/difficult/a struggle or CAN life be hard/difficult/a struggle? For me, opting to believe that life CAN BE these things, made it easier for me to become more aware of my own perspective.

What’s The Difference

The difference for me is that if something IS, then by definition it naturally exists in that state at all times. If it CAN BE, then I have some control over it. I can alter my perspective of the situation; it’s not concrete. Now, this isn’t always true of course. Sometimes there are things in life that truly are hard. Hear me on this: there are THINGS that are hard in life. But, it is unfair to make a generalization based on this that all of LIFE is hard.

Look at the picture that accompanies this post. Is it about to storm as represented by the darkness at the top of the photo, or is it clearing to be a beautiful day?

Why Is This The Right Time For This Post

There are several reasons why this is the post I’ve chosen to share this week. First, I’ve experienced four (4) negative responses within the past three days regarding my job search. The reasons were different for each, but at the end of the emails I received, I had been rejected as a candidate. I have too much experience, the position has been put on hold, my assessment results didn’t indicate a good fit, and they simply liked another candidate better. Those aren’t easy emails to read. You are less than … less than what they were looking for. Those were hard moments, but as I’ve internalized each rejection, I’ve realized those were just moments. They do not dictate the entirety of my existence. It was a week where life COULD BE hard.

Second, I’ve had this exact discussion with my friend mentioned above at length recently. It seems that identifying what it would take to be perfectly happy or at least content in life can be difficult. Not everyone knows exactly what “great” would be for them. In that thought process, it’s very easy to get trapped in the “life IS hard” mentality. As I struggle with my own battle to maintain perspective, I try to convince my friend and other that IS is not true. I try to convince my friend that this is just one part of life, and if we look at all the individual elements of life, it’s not all bad or hard.

How Does That Help

I have to maintain focus on keeping my perspective. I have to constantly remind myself during the harder times that it’s just one of those times that CAN BE hard. Life IS not easy for sure (it doesn’t just exist in that state), but that doesn’t mean it IS hard. Everyone has moments in their life that are harder than others. If I review my life, well, there are several stand-out periods where I felt like life was just too hard. However, sitting here at almost 49 years old, I have to say my life overall has been good.

Yes, I buried my daughter when she was 22, and that was hard. But, I had my daughter for 22 years, have amazing memories, and have her daughter to bless my life.

Yes, I’ve lost my job, and that is hard. However, I have had a career I love, have a great network of people helping me find opportunities for the next chapter, and have had a lot of time to get things done that I never had time for before.

Yes, my family has been touched by addiction and that was hard. Though, now, those in my family who battled that are a living example for others of finding alternate ways to deal with trials.

Yes, I am divorced and my dreams of the beautiful home with the perfectly landscaped yard were sacrificed. But, I have a home that is well-kept, a son who knows what home feels like, a daughter who is being raised in that same home, the ability to care for my own yard, plant my own flowers, perform upkeep on my own house, etc. I am blessed with ability and time.